


Murder House (not really)

by quesadiaz



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (flower shop does not make an appearance), Alternate Universe - Real Estate, Flower Shop Owner Yuuri, M/M, Pining Victor Nikiforov, Real Estate Agent Victor, if a real life person does this to you please run, lying about ghosts, lying about murders, victor does something mildly creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:37:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quesadiaz/pseuds/quesadiaz
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki, proud lover of flowers, can't handle his neighbors anymore! He's moving out!Victor Nikiforov, proud real estate agent, is smitten over his neighbor Yuuri! And he's moving out?!After several walk-throughs of perfect houses in perfect locations with nothing wrong with them, Yuuri is discouraged that they're allimpossibleto live in. Why? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that his handsome real estate agent has been showing him haunted, termite infested, too-small, too-big,murder sitehouses. A chat over coffee and an angry young man reveals the truth!





	Murder House (not really)

**Author's Note:**

> i just... needed to get this out of my head... i'm soz OTL

"A murder?!" Yuuri gulped. 

"Unfortunately yes," Victor nodded solemnly, "A young man, couldn't have been more than twenty-three—twenty-five _tops_." 

Victor fiddled with the clipboard in his hands that displayed the details of the smallish 2/2 Ranch style home they were currently standing in. The topmost sheet displayed several aspects of the house: the square footage(1,322), the lot size(quarter acre), the type of heating and cooling(forced, central), the appliance types and kitchen renovations(updated, granite counters), as well as several other more detailed points about this beautiful, truly _prime_ piece of real estate. 

None of which happened to be stigma disclosures—murder or otherwise. 

"Wh-what happened...?" The terrified man asked. 

Victor hummed and tapped his finger to his lips. "I don't know much, Yuuri, it wasn't even in the news." Yuuri's frame relaxed a bit, probably because of the assumption that something that didn't make headlines probably wasn't so horrible. Victor quickly improvised. "But I _heard_ that a local student was attacked during his shower late at night, and the intruder dragged him into the kitchen to try and shove him in the disposal—oh, the kitchen is equipped with a PowerSpin™ disposal, by the way, state of the art stuff—but the cops arrived too late and the killer got away, stealing the student's glasses!" Victor finished the spun tale with a hiss to make it Extra Spooky. 

Yuuri was actively shivering now as Victor led him gently through the open plan home by the small of his back, and a loud bang had him jumping into Victor's arms. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I just—that sound—oh god—" 

"No! Yuuri oh goodness no I'm sorry that was my fault, my hip must have knocked into the bathroom door and it just opened right up and hit the wall," He soothed the flustered man. "My apologies, the bathroom door is just so light! I didn't hear a thing while it opened." Victor saw the color drain from Yuuri's face, and decided his job was done here. 

"Goodness, Yuuri, you're looking rather pale! Are you alright? Should we call it a day?" 

"I think so? I think I just need to sit down for a while, can we... could we maybe get some coffee or something?" Yuuri made shy eye contact through his impossibly long eyelashes, batting them in a way he couldn't possibly know was shattering Victor's fragile little heart into a trillion pieces. Not that he betrayed his adoration on his calm and collected face. 

"Of course, Yuuri, there's a lovely little shop a short ways away." He bowed to dramatically usher his client out the front door of the lovely little not-murder-house, into the oppressive June humidity.  

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm pretty discouraged at this point Victor," Yuuri sighed into his macchiato. "We've been at this for weeks and it seems like all the available houses within commuting distance to the shop just aren't... habitable! Two of them had termite infestations! No offense Victor but how is your agency even allowed to sell those? And I don't even believe in ghosts but that one place was definitely haunted you _cannot_ convince me otherwise!" He said, jabbing his finger towards Victor's face. 

Victor thought back to when he had begged his best friend Chris to 'just for five minutes please' hide in the slightly damp basement of the small Victorian, dragging his car keys across the cement floor slowly like the chains of a trapped spirit and making strange breathing sounds to emulate a tortured phantom. Yuuri had _grabbed his arm_ (!!) for that particular visit.  

"And the ones that _are_ habitable don't have _any_ space," Yuuri huffed in frustration. "How am I supposed to cultivate a proper garden in a _townhouse_ , Victor?!"  

"I know, I know, it's a crime to not make garden space mandatory on a home," Victor rested his chin on his palm and sighed as well, "But Yuuri, your current house is the perfect distance from the flower shop, isn't it? Why would you want to move in the first place?" 

Victor knows Yuuri has the perfect location. Yuuri's baby blue cottage-style home sits on a plot of land just large enough for the house itself and a back garden with a small patio. In the front is a gorgeous bay window, the inside of which is lined by hanging herb pots, the outside of which is lined by a perfectly grown patch of ivy that spans from the roof to the ground. In the back is Yuuri Katsuki's private garden, containing nothing but blue and purple flowers. No red, no yellow, no warmth, just calming cool blossoms. Surrounding this garden and sectioning off Yuuri's property from his neighbors is a six-foot-tall privacy fence made of steel lattice, on which even more climbing vines from several varieties of fruits and berries block the line of sight into his floral sanctuary and make for a truly gorgeous slice of property. 

One that Victor knew personally was a perfect home on a perfect lot in a perfect location. 

Because it sat directly behind his own house. 

"I don't want to gossip or anything but..." Yuuri leaned in towards Victor to whisper—and _god_ did he smell good today. He must have harvested those strawberries— "I have a feeling the people who live behind me might be drug dealers..." 

Victor made a valiant effort to not spit his frap out of his mouth, and succeeded in a way. 

Instead it came out his nose. 

Yuuri continued after several napkins, apologies, and a trip to the café's bathroom. "I've never met them before so I _really_ didn't want to assume but they're always making noise late into the night, and sometimes I can hear a drunk man shouting 'I need it I need it' and I'm so worried they're selling like... meth or something? I dunno—no that's not—it can't—I'm definitely overreacting—" 

"Yuuri, Yuuri calm down," Victor soothed, barely calm himself from this surprising development. The drunk man shouting about 'needing' something was him, crying on Chris' shoulder, every friday night for the past year since he'd first noticed Yuuri in his beautiful overalls on his beautiful knees tending to his beautiful garden. "I'm sure that must have been irritating, but some drunk man crying about something loudly doesn't make them drug dealers, does it?" Victor chuckled awkwardly.  

"No okay but listen, so a couple weeks ago, back in mid-May, right? A few days before I came to your office, I heard something from my yard," Yuuri was miming the shape of his home, indicating his yard—garden—was behind his home, and then came the street. He grabbed a crumpled up napkin and drove it down the 'road' like a reckless car, and continued. "This punk kid—I _swear_ Victor he was a _child_ , practically—he screeches down my quiet little street in my quiet little neighborhood in this _sunshine yellow corvette_ and he's shouting so loudly inside his car I can hear it from my front porch!" 

Oh dear. An obnoxious car driven by an obnoxious child? In their neighborhood? Around mid-May? That was almost definitely Yura. 

Yura was an 18 year old pre-business major with a terrible attitude and a deep-down hatred of his uncle Victor. He was hoping to focus on real estate in a bid to take over his grandfather’s business and It was Victor’s job to teach him the ropes for a few months, allow him to shadow Victor on client meetings and walk-throughs. But mid-May was when Yuuri had begun spending more time on his back patio and really, who was anyone else to deny Victor the right to sunbathe on his own balcony that definitely didn't have an incredible vantage point through the railing to become the private audience to Yuuri Katsuki’s yoga-shorts Mondays? 

Certainly not the little punk who demanded Victor’s spread-thin attentions like he was the only thing in his life, right? 

“So then he gets out of the car right? And I’m obviously not one to judge another person’s fashion sense,” Yuuri gestured to his own outfit, which was very cute if Victor did say so himself, which he didn't. “But he looked like an absolute punk! I was so astonished honestly, he had on _leopard print_ , Victor, his _entire outfit_! It was insane! He even had on leather cuffs and a choker with spikes on it! And his hair was so long and golden I had confused him for a woman at first, but he opened his mouth and the roughest voice came out!” 

That definitely sounded like Yura. 

“And he just starts shouting ‘Old man! You suck at directions! You were supposed to teach me about lean! Where are you!’ and I was confused because what the heck does that mean, right?” Yuuri chuckled. Victor did know what the heck that meant. That exact day was meant for Yura’s lessons on Liens, but Yuuri, obviously, didn't realize that. 

“So I pulled out my phone after he drove off and I googled ‘what is lean’ and _Victor,_ ” Yuuri hissed as if there were anyone else in the little café besides them and the disinterested barista staring at herself in the reflection of the milk foam machine. “It's a drug! Well, it's actually a drink—but it's got drugs in it! A drinking drug! It's made with codeine and Sprite!” 

Victor schooled his features away from ‘horrified and embarrassed’ towards ‘interested but skeptical’ as Yuuri’s eyes swept from one side of the café to the other, hoping no one could hear them(no one did). 

“So,” Victor said after a few sips of his melting frap. “Your neighbors cry a lot and a teenager screamed about what you _assume_ to be drugs and that's why you want to abandon the most gorgeous piece of property anyone has ever seen?” 

“No no, listen!” Yuuri said defensively. “A few minutes later the loud kid was _in the house_ still yelling about lean! I think he was collecting a payment or a shipment or something, maybe preparing to deal it in my own neighborhood!” Yuuri shivered. “I just can’t live somewhere like that, you know?" 

Victor wanted to tell him— _oh_ how he wanted to tell him the truth! But then what would Yuuri think of him? Would Yuuri think him a drug dealer? Would Yuuri think him a creep for not telling him that they'd been neighbors for quite a long time now? Why was it even a secret? Why didn't he just come out and tell him the second Yuuri invited him into his home for the initial appraisal? Why didn't he just tell him right now, actually! 

"Yuuri, there's something I think you should know a-about your house..." Victor muttered around his straw. 

Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "What's wrong with it? Is there some reason I won't be able to sell it?" 

"It's not that!" Victor clarified quickly. "It's just... I mean... This is probably going to piss you off, honestly, maybe—hopefully you'll think it's funny! A-and I'm really sorry I just—I don't know... but I have to tell you that I'm—" 

"Oi! Old man!" Came a gruff voice that slammed the café door open suddenly, making both Yuuri and Victor jump. A blond boy stalked right up to where they were sitting and slammed his hands down on the table. "How many times do I have to tell you that you're supposed to be taking me along with your clients!" 

"Oh my god!" Yuuri shouted, clearly terrified that the person he was _just_  shit-talking had suddenly rushed into their private conversation. 

A tall man with two-toned hair rushed in after the boy in a futile attempt to drag him back out by the waist, but the boy was much broader and stronger. He was clearly struggling and it showed in his strained voice. "I'm so sorry Vitya, he just rushed right in! He didn't listen when I told him not to interrupt your date—" 

"Date?!" Yuuri spat, shocked. 

Victor waved his hands in the air, panicking. "No, Chris, h-he's a client! This isn't—!" 

"Don't lie, Victor!" The boy shouted. "In what universe would Overalls ever want to give up that house!" 

Yuuri paled a bit. "O-overalls?"  

"I don't care about your stupid love life, Victor, and I don't care that you're finally on your gross date with the idiot you've been pining over for an entire year—" 

"Yura!" Victor screeched. He chanced a look at Yuuri, who was beet red. 

"Shut up! You agreed to teach me about stupid real estate so I can help _Deda_ and you've been bailing on me for weeks! For what, just to sip your stupid girly coffee and make goo-goo eyes at Overalls?! I'm surprised he even forgave you for all that fake shitty house nonsense—mmph!" Chris slapped a hand over Yura's mouth and pulled the boy into his chest. 

Yuuri pushed his chair away from the table, probably to put space between himself and the shouty teenager that was calling him strange names, but more likely to stand up and leave. "Victor, what—?" 

"I'm so sorry, _lapinou_ ," Chris said to Yuuri with a sympathetic expression. "I'll get him out of your way, it seems like you two need to have a conversation." Chris abruptly crouched to the floor and swiftly yanked Yura upwards from his knees. The angry boy screeched his disapproval, Chris patted him on the butt as he carried him out the door, Victor dragged his hand down his face in despair, Yuuri was shivering in his seat from overstimulation and shock, the barista girl was still ignoring them. 

Silence stretched between the two for a solid minute, the only sounds being Victor's sighs, Yuuri's gulps, and the hiss of the industrial sized coffee maker behind the counter. 

"I'm the idiot who lives behind you!" Victor suddenly shouted, throwing his hands in the air with exasperation. "Which I was _seconds_ from confessing before my asshole nephew had to barge in and say it in the _worst_  possible way—" 

"Victor," 

"—And you know I can't even blame him too much because it was my stupid fault in the first place for being a huge asshole and making things up just to get you to stay, which was _so_  unprofessional I don't deserve this stupid blazer I should just quit—" 

" _Victor,_ " 

"—In fact I'll just go now, I'll pick up the tab, obviously, I'm so sorry Yuuri I'll find you a different agent, a better one, one that isn't a complete creep—" 

"Victor!" Yuuri shouted, grabbing Victor's hand which was currently buried deep into his silver hair and pulling so hard it must have seemed dangerous. "Victor, calm down," Yuuri whispered. "I... I need you to explain all of this." 

Victor took a deep, shuddering breath. 

"Last March I closed a deal on this little green bungalow to a friend of yours, a Mr. Chulanont? That's where I met you." Victor began. Yuuri nodded slowly. "I had just moved to the area myself, and it was only the next day when I noticed you in your garden, talking to your plants about how much you hated the party, and I figured you wouldn't want me to intrude or anything so I tried to stay away." 

"I don't remember any of that party," Yuuri murmured. 

"You were pretty drunk—wasted is probably a better word for it, actually." Yuuri blushed as Victor continued on. "In fact a few days later I tried to visit you, but Mr. Chulanont answered and told me he'd give you my number, but you never called so I just sort of assumed you didn't want anything to do with me after what happened at the party..." 

Yuuri paled. "Wh-what happened at the party?!" 

"Nothing bad, I swear!" He said. "I just figured you were embarrassed and didn't want the reminder. Just, as the night wore on, it got a little... intense. Like a real party, and uh... I kind of—sort of, I guess, accidentallywalkedinonyouwhileyouwerethrowingupinthebathroom?" 

Yuuri's face flushed so hard that Victor worried for the rest of his body, the blood having left the rest of him in a mad dash for his face so quickly. 

"It was no trouble, really!" Victor defended. "You looked pretty miserable, so I stayed in and helped you out for a while. I tried to keep you talking so you wouldn't feel so bad and you talked about how you wanted to leave and go buy a dog right away, but I wouldn't let you because you were obviously incredibly drunk, and you called me a... kit-chee?" 

Yuuri buried his face into his arms and slumped over the table. " _Ke_ _chi,_ " His muffled voice supplied. "It means stingy..." 

Victor barked out a laugh that startled Yuuri, and the two settled into more comfortable sitting positions, leaning over the table in mutual embarrassment. 

"So, I'm trying to convince you not to run off into the night to purchase a dog from some shady puppymill—" 

"I would never!" Yuuri shouts, slapping his hands to the table. "I mean, b-because they're... bad, you know? I'd only ever adopt." The outburst had startled Victor, but he smiled, warm with the knowledge that Yuuri loves and cares about dogs just as much as he does. 

"You leaned against me and told me I smelled like grapes, which was weird, because I had like... zero wine that night. I'd drank maybe half a cup of suspicious fruit punch and then walked in on you. You started talking about grapes and grape vines and how you wanted to plant them in your garden but you didn't have any space? I told you that you could do anything you wanted to do, and you looked at me like I'd just given you top-secret secrets to the universe." 

Yuuri gripped his blushing face, muttering into the palm of his hand " _That's_ why there was a random new grape plant when I woke up that morning..." 

"I guess so," Victor laughed. "And... when you showed up in my office, acting like you didn't know me at all, I just assumed you didn't remember, and I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot, but before I knew it I realized that... that you'd be gone, you know? And I'd already been acting like we'd never met and I felt like it was too late to fess up and everything got so _stupid_ , I don't know. I just... I don't know." 

Yuuri slurped at the last of his coffee, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his heather-gray long sleeved shirt. How he could handle a _long sleeve_  in the dead center of June was a complete mystery. From all their interactions in the past few weeks, Yuuri always seemed to be cold, or at least chilly. 

The barista sneezed and the sink faucet hissed as she washed her hands. 

"So, when the kid-who-isn't-actually-a-drug-dealer said 'fake shitty house nonsense', did he mean...?" 

"I'm sorry, Yuuri," Victor sighed into the table, resting his forehead on a napkin. 

"You _made up_ stuff about the houses being haunted and infested and... murder-y?" Yuuri asked quietly. "You... lied about it?" 

"I'm _so_  sorry, Yuuri," Victor whined a little harder. 

"Because you didn't want me to move...?" 

Victor looked up, expecting to find disappointment on that beautiful round face but all he found was puffy pink cheeks and sparkling brown eyes pointed at his own lap and a goofy, barely-restrained smile as Yuuri gently scratched at his face with one finger and tried very hard to withhold a satisfied giggle. 

"You're... not mad at me...?" Victor whispered in shock. "Aren't you going to report me or something? 

Yuuri shoved his nose into the air with fake smugness. "I could be p-persuaded otherwise, with a fancy enough dinner, I suppose..." 

Victor stared at Yuuri as Yuuri stared at his fingernails as those fingernails shook with anxious energy and the two of them broke out into laughter at the same time, the tension from earlier bleeding away entirely. 

"I prefer Japanese food to Western, just so you know." Yuuri said with a shy smile. 

Victor returned it tenfold, beaming. "I'll find the best place in town for you."

**Author's Note:**

> just a reality check because i know we all get caught up in the cuteness of our established ships sometimes but what victor did was kind of skeevy and if anyone ever blatantly lies to u in order to get you to stay somewhere pls run fast and far.
> 
> js.
> 
>  _lapinou_ is french for bunny and _deda_ is russian for grandpa and i'm still writing [only you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328664) and i love you more than yura loves shouting at victor


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